• Lifes Apprentice

How to overcome Self-Harm Shame?

Here comes the sun! When the British summertime hits, the majority of people head into their loft or underground bunker and pull out their shorts, sandals and spaghetti strap tanks. I peer into my wardrobe and my bottom lip starts quivering because I can see all of my lovely summer clothes, the bright colours, the pretty dresses, the tiny shorts- outfits that I love. But then I look down at my arms and I remember what my thighs have painted all over them.

The parts of my body that yearn for the suns touch are scarred.

What does it mean to Self Harm?

  • Self-harm means to cause deliberate injury to oneself.

  • It can take many forms including physical and emotional ways to hurt yourself.

Why do people Self-Harm?


  • Self- harm is a coping mechanism used to deal with intense and distressing emotions.

  • It is quite often used as a way to release emotional pain.

  • This relief is only temporary and can mask the importance of the more serious issue that someone is dealing with.

However, there are many more reasons why a person may self-harm. There could be one reason or several, for example:

  • People may self -harm because as a form of expression when they are finding it difficult to put how they are feeling into words

  • It may be a way of reducing overwhelming emotional feelings or thoughts

  • To have a sense of being in control

  • To escape traumatic memories

  • Some people believe self-harm represents something in life that they can rely on

  • It can also be used as a form of punishment.

  • It could be a way of feeling physical sensations and to stop feeling numb or disconnected from reality.

  • Finally, Self- Harm can serve as a reason for a person to physically care for themselves.

For me, my scars have left me with buckets of shame concerning my appearance and it has led to a huge fear that when summertime comes around and I have my arms and legs out, people will judge and reject me. I've seen the second glances, the starring and I can't help but go into Sherlock Holmes mode and think I know exactly what they are thinking. I interpret other peoples thoughts to be negative and judgemental.

Struggling to feel confident about Self- Harm scars? It is within our nature as humans to care about what other people think, especially with loved ones and the last thing we want to do is make them feel uncomfortable or shock and upset them because of the state of our body.

It's difficult for people to get their head around why someone would hurt themselves if they haven't experienced it themselves.

So, try to be mindful of that, but dont forget to be mindful of your own needs too.

Your needs include:

To experience joy

To experience comfort

To go out and about and connect with people.

To be nourished physically, mentally, emotionally and socially


To experience shame about your body is normal, but we shouldn't let it rule us, take control and own how we express and feel about ourselves.

I know why I have my scars, others don't and I have to remember that I can't control what other people are thinking. It's a very difficult lesson to learn, but it is such an important factor in recovering or overcoming any sense of insecurity you have about yourself.

You cannot control what anybody thinks about you, BUT you can control what you think
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