Are You Constantly Fu*king Up Your Life?
I was inspired to write this post after listening to a podcast called 'Get Out Of Your Own Way' by Thought Catalogue, hosted by author and speaker, Brianna Wiest.
What is Self Sabotage?
Are you suffering from mental illness, yet you know what your goal is- to get better, but your progress just doesn't seem to get past a certain stage?
Are you constantly relapsing?
Are you trying to achieve a certain life goal- a new job perhaps and something that you can't put your finger on keeps getting in the way?
Or maybe, you have a goal in mind, yet you feel unmotivated or are lacking the drive to take the steps to accomplish it?
This is self-sabotage. In simpler terms, it is:
when we set up an unconscious obstruction to meet a goal.
Why do I self- sabotage?
The keyword here is unconscious.
We tend to act and behave in certain ways to meet an unconscious need- something that we are not fully aware of that we truly want or desire.
As human beings, we tend to do what deep down we feel we really need to do in order to endure the 2 most fundamental human motives, which are:
To stay safe
The behaviours in which we manifest to obstruct this reality-driven goal are in fact reflecting what we actually need.
Examples of self-sabotaging behaviours
Read through the list below to see if any of these examples may be popping up in your life. (some of these examples have been taken from 'psychology today')
expecting change to 'just happen' without putting real effort in.
refusing help or not engaging in therapy.
not managing your triggers.
making enagaing in destructive behaviours easy.
ignoring working through past trauma.
drinking alcohol or taking drugs when you know you really shouldn't.
not asking for help or speaking to someone when you need it.
blaming everything else for your misfortunes rather than taking responsibility for yourself.
you ignore the negative emotions that are telling you to take care of yourself.
you use the phrase, "I can't" a lot!
you overcomplicate solutions to problems.
allow yourself to ruminate or worry without expecting yourself to take appropriate problem-solving actions.
complain about other peoples behaviour when you need to make changes to your own.
you operate based on how you think a situation should be rather than dealing with reality.
you don’t adequately acknowledge the valid points other people make. You ignore other people bringing up genuine problems with your behaviour
you have emotional raw spots that, when triggered, result in an overreaction and you do not try to manage them.
you make more work for yourself than you have time for.
you are self-critical when self-acceptance and compassion would have a more positive impact on your behaviour and emotions.
Questions to ask yourself
If any of these behaviours resonate with you, begin by asking yourself these questions.
I will use depression as an example.
Why don’t I want the thing that I say I want? (happiness)
Why don’t I believe that it is possible for me to be free of depression?
What am I missing in my life because of depression?
What is it that I really want? To help answer this question, I recommend reading this post here on the reasons why you are really stuck.
When answering these questions, try to go deeper and deeper into your answers, answer the 1st questions and then ask why to that answer and then why to that answer. See if you can get right down to the nitty-gritty of what it is you really want.
Do you want to:
feel safe (physically, mentally, emotionally)
Looking at our self-sabotaging behaviours creates great inssight into what we really want and care about.