3 Tips on How to Help Yourself NOW!
I wanted to share a little secret with you all.
We all have our bad days. Every person feels stress because if they didn't they wouldn't know what happiness felt like.
Sometimes we all feel down in the dumps, useless, worthless and question what our purpose for being alive is.
We can all experience suffering, either through physical pain, mental illness, bullying, financial breakdown, work stress and plain old low self-esteem.
If you find this to be a continual pattern for you, do you ever catch yourself thinking 'oh this is just how life is'? Or are you still rooted in the same old daily routine that you think is working just fine? Do you ever say 'I try to help myself, but nothing ever seems to work'? If you do find yourself thinking or saying any of these things, I am going to have to break it to you; you are not doing the best you can for yourself.
However, there is no need to beat yourself up and I get it; it is a natural human reaction to do so. Once you recognise how you are preventing yourself from growing, you can begin to break free from all of the stress.
Here are a few tips that I have found to personally help me leap out of my old negative routine and begin to embrace a new, healthier, more fulfilling life.
1. Cut out the negative language.
If you reaffirm to yourself that your life is hard and that you are messed up or can never get anything right, well you know what? Life will continue being hard and you will continue making mistakes.
The more you talk negatively to and about yourself, the more you affirm these negative distortions and thinking patterns within you.
It bugs me when people say 'I have so much shit in my life' or 'so many bad things have happened to me'. I listened to a podcast earlier to today and the host said 'everyone is broken' Now I get the message she was trying to put across, but why does it need to be so definitive? Instead of saying that 'So much shit has happened to me' or 'I am broken' Cut out the negative language all together because that language gives our thoughts and beliefs power over us. Instead, say 'I have experienced bad things in the past.' That's it. But instead, so many of us bring our problems into our present by reaffirming over and over that we are these broken beings. We are not broken! We are all just on a journey. We attach to our problems and bring them where ever we go, even without knowing it because of the language we use.
2. Stop playing the victim.
The truth is that we all think that we are a victim in some way and it is one of the hardest things for us to admit to. But when you can own this and take responsibility for how you act, it can lead to empowering change.
You may wallow in self-pity when something doesn't go your way or you feel let down. You may moan about how the weather is not allowing you to do something or that there were no Doritos left on the shelf in Sainsbury's, so you cant have the lunch that you wanted. Without even knowing it, you are falling into the 'poor me' mindset, which fuels our victim state. Being stuck in this state of mind can destroy you and it is a reason why people with mental health can stay rooted in their illness for years.
If you feel yourself getting bogged down in life and think 'What's the point?', try to recognise the process in which you are in. The constant negativity will be a cycle and in a nutshell- you are doing it to yourself over and over again. Nobody else is doing it to you or something external to you. It is all you.
3. Recognise what you CAN control.
Random thoughts and unwanted emotions pop into and are present within us all of the time. We cannot control these. What we CAN control is what we do once we recognise these thoughts and emotions. (And don't say that you don't recognise them, but you do and you can. When you say 'I feel like crap and really down' You have recognised how you are feeling).
Usually, we just let them be and let them take control over everything we then do. And then once our actions have created something negative, we believe 'I am not in control of my thoughts and feelings and the reason why I just did that' But you are! You made the choice, consciously or not to let that bad thought or feeling consume you. If you are reading this and are thinking 'But how do I control my reactions to the thoughts and feelings if I am not consciously aware of them?' My answer is that you need to become more consciously aware. I am not going to lie, it takes time and effort to increase your level of consciousness, but it is so important for how you live because it is your choice, your responsibility that depends on the course of your life.
As children, we have been conditioned by our parents, society, teachers, so many aspects. And it is this conditioning that has created negative beliefs and thought patterns in which we now live out life. All of these things create how you interpret your thoughts and the action or inaction you take.
If you want to find out more on how you can develop your levels of consciousness and make serious changes to your life, subscribe and stay tuned for an upcoming interactive self-help series.